Before The Sunrise

Maybe because of my age, i could no more spend a month wages on a midnight dash, for a bottle of Jack Daniel or Black Label, then i can woo a guy i like in his thirties, forties. Not because i don't have the mean to achieve  or pursue a success relationship,but because i don't have any inclination any more.

My past years have been really a drama, i broke up from relationship due to the exact same reasons of life, the variance in passion that consumed the desire of sparks between the two. I was drained and numb by jerks transiting at me, throwing their grievances of past relationship, and as they found someone new, they thank me for being there when they were drawn. The reality and love seems contradicting in my emotion that i feel so numb that there is no pain in me. 

And now, the idea of my best-self has overriding my honourable pride. I have liberate myself from desire. I sway my desire to achievable self satisfaction. I feel alive when what i want is just more then the basic survival need. For example, sometimes a short intimacy or caress from someone i fond of or a pair of new shoes that i am eyeing in a boutique. 

I have created the value in my life.The intrinsic value that i can associate with those whom i can share sufficient history not to have to explain why social media ( Facebook,Blog, linkedin and even  dot com) is part of my life. 

My transition of ' La Vita' - life at Bali, Venice and now Borneo is worth every reference for the volunteering and environmentalist as well as anthropologist to be. I am delightful in seeing my fellow indigenous siblings are enriched in reading the daily bread of mine. An everyday task that is "Living La Vida Loca"